I'm a therapist, parent educator, writer and speaker who specializes in supporting parents of anxious children and teens
#147: Trying not to contribute to the noise & the confusion
Published about 1 month ago • 3 min read
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One of the things I find really difficult about talking about parenting is that parenting solutions get sold as a one-size-fits-all approach and that is never ever true. I worry sometimes that I foster this idea with my podcast because I’m often answering specific questions with very general advice. But I mean, that’s the nature of the beast, right? There are some general truths, which are easy to put forth on a podcast or in a reel but how we apply those general truths is where the art lies.
I have been thinking about this because it’s one of the things I’m trying to address in this book that I’m working on and that I'm exploring through TELL ME IT WILL BE OK: The Practice. I want the book to be useful for a wide variety of families but I am really trying to connect with the readers’ inherent wisdom and understanding of their specific child and their specific circumstances so that they will understand that the key is taking the general truth and being willing to twist it and shape it to suit their own situation.
It’s kinda like this.
I get a lot of people who reach out and ask me for workbook recommendations to do with their anxious child or teen. But I don’t have any workbook recommendations because they’re all pretty much the same. Now which delivery you’ll like, that depends on you and your child. I personally don’t like workbooks at all (it’s my inherent demand avoidance) so I have absolutely no useful opinion on them. I tell people, “Go to the bookstore or look them up online and see which appeals to you and that’s the right one.”
Because it’s not the workbook that will do the magic; the workbook is just information and then YOU bring YOUR magic to it.
My goal is always to give people the information in a way that will actually make sense on a soul deep level. I tell people all of the time (maybe you’ve heard me say it) that anxiety work requires a paradigm shift. More than one, really. It requires personal growth on your child’s part, sure, but also yours. It is an existential crisis, meaning it’s about how we live and love and grow in the world. And that's what makes it soul deep level work.
And that means that the answers are theoretically simple but the practice is complex.
PODCAST
What's up on the podcast
This month I interviewed Roxanne Deleo, an expressive arts therapist for the podcast. I'll be frank -- this interview starts a little slow! It took us a minute to find our stride! But eventually I think we get to the real Roxanne and her passion for using creativity to serve kids. She also wanted me to share that she is offering a free consult to anyone who wants to reach out to her and she also created a story for you all, titled The Magic Seed: Courage, which you can download as an mp3.
This is a long substack article but a good one. The Existential Guide to Making Friends, with some excellent advice like ask for a small favor ("Not money, not a kidney. 'Can you watch my bike while I wee?'"). I'm sharing it because I have so many clients who tell me it's harder to make friends when you get older. This is true but it's also because we get pickier as we get older. When we were kids it was enough to be more or less the same age and more or less in the same place. But now, as adults, we have higher standards (as we should). And it's harder, too, because so much of our social time needs to overlap with other people's social time like our kids or our partners. So not only do we have to like people, our people have to like people. Anyway! This article is a good way to start!
Monthly Theme
Tell Me It Will Be OK: The Practice
Yup! We're talking about ANGER
So why did I pick Anger as this month's topic? Because the parents I work with are awfully worried about it! About their own, about their child's, about how to handle it. I myself am an anger apologist in that I believe anger is a feeling, that all feelings are ok, and that there is a lot to learn by exploring it. So let's explore it! Sign up today and you get every episode I've recorded in the past and every episode I record over the next year. Tune in whenever and wherever you need it because you are never, ever, ever behind and it's always there for you! 🧡
therapist • parent educator • writer/speaker I've been supporting kids & families for more than 30 years. I have my masters in clinical mental health counseling and post-grad certification in infant/toddler mental health.